I failed my legal career, but God... #3

Just before I started working as an assistant pastor, I was able to find my third job. Timing could not have been more perfect. How? It was because God had already prepared me a new job. One of the partners at the new law firm was a friend of my former boss at the magistrate’s office. I did not know the connection when I applied for the position at the law firm, but I found out at the interview that the two people worked together a long time ago. Although I do not know for sure whether their relationship influenced the firm's hiring decision, it sure did influence my decision to accept the associate attorney position at the firm. "What's the likelihood? It must be God’s plan,” I thought. I was excited that God still opened doors for me to continue to practice law, even though I learned my calling was not in practice of law. I told my wife that I would stay in this new job for five years because I just needed 'a' job to feed my family and to save money until I go to Japan. It was a new beginning with a new job and a new ministry.

Oh boy. I was so wrong to say that I would stay in the new law firm for five years, although I was surprisingly correct to say that I would stay in the new law firm until I leave for Japan. God had a different plan, or actually I should say – God kept the forgotten, original plan. In October 2015, as an assignment for one of the seminary classes, I had to write a vision paper that lays out my future hopes and plans to participate in God's work. To write the paper, I prayed and discussed about future plans with my wife. I thought that it was a good time for a seminary student to seriously pray, think, and plan the post-education stage of my life. After praying, discussing, and planning, I wrote, “I will leave for Japan in about five years.” God absolutely heard that prayer and kept it in his masterplan even though I completely forgot along the way that I wrote the vision paper.

In early 2020, COVID-19 kicked in. Everything shut down. Everyone’s stress level went up. My work schedule became disturbed. Everything stopped and got pushed back, completely jamming the end of the year calendar. I think this unique environment somewhat pressured one of the partners. I had multiple, direct conflicts with my boss. My work had become even more stressful with the conflicts. I’d never had a continuous conflict with anyone in my life. Whenever I had a conflict with someone, I could normally work it out and mend the relationship which then becomes stronger after the initial conflict. Unfortunately, my relationship with this boss got worse and worse. I wanted to quit. Ironically, this boss was the one that made me to accept the position at the new law firm.

Additionally, what I did at the law firm did not help me to stay in the job either. I helped people to be divorced. Many times, as most litigation attorneys do, I helped people to fight each other rather than to seek reconciliation. I thought I could do “a job,” make a living, and not be affected by the work. I never thought "vicarious trauma" from representing divorce clients would be so real that the work would eventually affect a person's daily mood and even change one's perspective. As always, my pride and self-confidence to remain strong by myself betrayed me. I could not do the job anymore.

Then, the last blow came. On October 15, 2020, exactly three years after I started working as an attorney, I had yet another major conflict with my boss. I then quit my job. It was the end of my legal career in Virginia.

I prayed. I humbled myself. I once again reminded myself of how God had led me each step of my life and reminded myself of my true calling. After talking with my wife and God, I then realized. God took away my legal career because he wanted us to go to Japan as a pastor and missionary team. I realized that if my legal career had been continuously successful, I would not have submitted to God's calling to Japan. I would not have actually stopped what I was doing in Virginia and thought to move to Japan.

At the end of my second job, I said to God, "I will work as an attorney until 2024 and save money. I will then leave for Japan in 2025." I thought I learned from my second job that being attorney was just a means to support myself to do God's work, but in the deep inside of my heart, being attorney still meant no financial trouble and comfortable life. It meant not trusting God. It meant taking financial matters into my own hands. The bar license still remained as my pride. I did not understand the true implication of surrendering my selfish pride and desire to God. So, God gave the third job to me and took it away from me so that I could realize my deepest desire and pride and so that I could put what I learned into practice.

Loving God gently led me to trust him in all ways. Beforehand, I did not know how to financially trust God and how to let go of my pride as an attorney. After three years, I could finally understand what my life should look like when I truly surrender my selfish desire to live a financially comfortable life and my pride to be respected as an attorney. After three years, I could finally understand the true meaning of my calling and how to live it.

Taeho